Melinda: Welcome to Syncreate, a show for creative seekers. We explore the deep human stories of creativity, psychology and spirituality. We believe everyone has the capacity to create. Our goal is to demystify the process and expand the boundaries of what it means to be creative. What holds us back? Why do we get stuck and how can we fully embrace our creativity?
We talk with visionaries and change makers and everyday creatives, working in a wide range of fields and media - from the arts to science, technology and business. We aim to illuminate the creative process, from imagination to innovation and everything in between. I'm Melinda Rothouse and I help individuals and organizations bring their dreams and visions to life.
Charlotte: I'm Charlotte Gullick and I'm a writer, educator, and writing coach. We are the coauthors of a book on the creative process, also called Syncreate. At Syncreate, we’re here to support your creative endeavors. If you have an idea for a project or a new venture, and you're not sure how to get it off the ground, find us at syncreate.org. Our book, now available in both print and audiobook format, walks you through the stages of the creative process so you can take action on your creative goals. We offer resources, creative process tools, and coaching to help you bring your work to the world.
Melinda: Welcome back to our Syncreate Creative Spark Series. Today, we're going to talk about finding your story. So, storytelling is such an important part of creativity. You know, usually in our creative work - whatever medium we’re working in - there's a story that we're trying to tell. Often, we’re trying to make sense of something in our own lives and then convey that to other people in some way. Whether we're writing a novel or composing a piece of music or dance, whatever it might be - film - and so, Charlotte, you teach writing and fiction and memoir, and storytelling to various students in various, you know, institutions. (Laughter)
And, you know, how do you help others find the story, both in their own experiences, and, you know, how do people get inspired to find the story in their lives, and then, like, convey that creatively? How do you help people do that?
Charlotte: Well, I have a theory on the world.
Melinda: Oh!
Charlotte: And the theory is, (laughter) particularly for people who are interested in some form of writing (whether that's film or poetry or digital storytelling), they're on a quest to understand.
Melinda: Yeah.
Charlotte: And they're probably someone who, for whatever reason, was probably an early reader, or there was something about books that was very compelling and called to them. And so, they took a, if not refuge, definitely pleasure in the land of story. And so, my deeper theory is that this is related to conflict… is that there was something going on in their life that was maybe unpleasant. And so, books… books were regular… their study. You can also close the page if it gets too tense, which is what we can't do on our own lives. And so, they're drawn to story because they are conflict avoidant. (Laughter)
So… and then, what's really hard when you are a person working with story, it's actually conflict is a lot of what keeps people engaged. Because they have to figure out how to do this thing called “life”, and conflict is part of life. So, they're reading for meaning. So, I think that's one of the things… like, how do you help people find their stories? Like, what's something that sits within you in a spiky way? You know, this doesn't… this is this moment or this pattern from my childhood or from my 30s, 40, 50. Like, it could be from a decade. And what's that pattern about? Can I poke at it through story to kind of figure out, “Do I want to continue this pattern? Do I want to make some peace with it?”
And then in particular, asking people, you know, when your story is finished and a reader or a listener viewer has, they've been on the journey with you, what’s something you want them to think or feel or do as a result of being with you in the story? And maybe that's to take action or to make the world a better place, or to forgive a father. You know, like, what's the kind of… the anchor of it that is bringing you to the page?
Melinda: I think that's really important because, you know, I've worked with a lot of writers as well, and especially things like memoir, I often liken it to like, emotional archeology. You have to dig deep and dust off these things that are not always pleasant, or that we don't always really want to uncover or investigate. And yet, somehow we're driven to share that story. But I think sometimes thinking about like, “What is the goal of sharing this story?” Like, how can I inspire other people? Or how can I help other people? Or, you know, prompt them to some kind of action, can be really helpful motivation.
Charlotte: And then there are the folks who, like Carolyn Myss, who has a lot of books, but - and I don't think she's the first person to say this, but it really, she was the first person that I encountered it from - like, “If we don't work with our story and make some peace with those spiky moments or the patterns through lines, is that the potential for our biography to become our biology?” That's where dis-ease comes from, is that we haven't found an equilibrium with the stories that have informed where we are.
And so, that it is… and her theory is that the way that we can heal, so, we tell our story to an interested audience three times, and then it actually is something like, almost an alchemical process where we move the potential for something that's in our biography to become our biology. There's something about sharing together that allows for movement and understanding.
Melinda: Can I just - yeah, so it doesn't get stuck in our bodies - and I just have to add, there's some really interesting research coming out right now about how the, you know, a really good way to like, release emotional pain or stress or unease is to just literally name what we're feeling. And so, that process of expressing it, whether to other people or just to ourselves, that, you know, they've done these studies comparing people who were, you know, whatever the pain or distress they were feeling, either kept it to themselves or actually verbalized and expressed it.
And the difference in these sort of measures of well-being was sort of staggering, actually. So, there's like, a potent, healing factor in sharing our stories or sharing the things that we're struggling with.
Charlotte: I totally agree, and I think that like, the next level of like… okay, if I were a person that was an early reader and I took refuge in books, so I was conflict avoidant… but I'm drawn to writing is like, the storytelling that we do now can't be about revenge or easy caricature. Even if you're writing that memoir about your hideous grandmother… like, there's this component of it that requires us to take a bigger picture. Like, “Okay, if my grandmother was hideous, what were the social economic factors in her life that may have contributed to that?”
It like… if you could get to lift up out of the personal and take an overview and go, “Oh, maybe with a modicum of compassion, I could understand why she was so terrible.” And, you know, there's the power of story to help us move toward understanding. You know, like, I think it's remarkable.
Melinda: Yeah. Yeah. So you talked about that spiky-ness, but, like, if someone is, like, trying to find the story in either a particular incident or in the larger context of a memoir, like you mentioned, when we're preparing for this like, sort of patterns and through lines… so, if someone's trying to find their own story, or what is the meaning in their own experience, say more about that.
Charlotte: Well, you have two thoughts about it. One is, if there's like, a moment that stays within us that's spiky, that we can explore it. Like, how does that moment stay with me now so that I'm stuck? And how is that informing current decisions or patterns that are happening like, you know, avoiding people or avoiding commitment? Like, you know, there's probably a relationship. So, that could be a pattern.
Or I'm thinking of a memoir by Brad Land called Goat, where he was in a very violent attack and he healed some. And then he went off to college, and then his brother wanted him to join a fraternity. And the fraternity evoked some of the same emotions as the violent attack. And what he's doing is looking at male initiation rites around violence.
Melinda: Yeah.
Charlotte: And so, he took his personal story and then tried to examine it through a larger social lens. So, I think the spiciness and through lines and patterns is, you know, while this moment is very, very personal, can I look at it through a different perspective so that I start to see that there are larger forces at work here?
Melinda: So, kind of that idea of like, the personal is the universal. Yeah. Yeah.
Charlotte: Yes.
Melinda: Finding the wider theme. Yeah. Great. So what's the Pro Tip for today?
Charlotte: The Pro Tip is… so, if you're a person who's drawn to writing at all, what you might do is make a list of moments that are spiky. That you're like, you know, that doesn't feel good in my core, that interaction. Or maybe it's something from childhood… and brush up against it. And like, how does it feel to think about making friends with it? You're not asking the memory to have to go away.
You're just trying to say, how do I think about this with more ease in my physical body? And then, with your medium, maybe paint a picture, or you could, make a poem or just to see what would it feel like with like, a moment that's kind of not great within you? What would it feel like to try to move it a little bit? And I would just add to that, if these are like, these are some of the top ten/top three moments of my life that are very intense… maybe those aren't the ones to brush up against unless you're in a supported environment, but maybe scale like, the items 4, 5 or 6 on that list where you might be… where it might be good to reconsider it.
Okay, (laughter) so I have an example. When my father was hours away from dying, his girlfriend, who knows that ordained over the internet, asked if I would marry them. And I was like, “The audacity!” (Laughter) And I was in a writing exercise. She's like, “I have a wedding dress.” And he had given her engagement ring. And I was in a writing exercise, and someone asked to think about a moment that stays with you and look like, kind of as a tableau and to write it from a different perspective. And it was amazing. And I actually wrote the piece and it got published.
Melinda: Did you marry them?
Charlotte: No.
Melinda: (Laughter) Okay. I was like, “What’s the punchline of the story?”
Charlotte: Okay. Well, you know, she called me at my mom's house, “Will you marry us?” And then I went up and then my dad, who couldn't speak very much, and she was like, “What do you say? Should we get married?” And he didn't respond. And so, she took it as a no. And, you know, it's only through the process of writing about it, that I understand actually how painful that must have been for her.
Melinda: Yeah.
Charlotte: And how gracious it was that she accepted his “No.”
Melinda: Yeah.
Charlotte: But for years, I had held on to it as, like, “The audacity! Can you imagine?” You know?
Melinda: Yeah.
Charlotte: So, I think those… and it came from an exercise of, like, something where you would like a new perspective on.
Melinda: Love that.
Charlotte: Find and connect with us on YouTube and social media under @syncreate. If you enjoy the show, please subscribe and leave us a review.
Melinda: We're recording today at Record ATX Studios in Austin, with Charlotte joining us from the Hudson Valley. The podcast is produced in collaboration with Mike Osborne at 14th Street Studios. Thanks so much for being with us, and see you next time.
